|5 bacons + egg. That's my|
kind of math.
As a man with a weaker intestinal constitution than a child on immunosuppressants I should be avoiding restaurants where the staff wince after dropping off your food but I don’t. I’m more comfortable in a greasy spoon than I am in the Shark Club or Prime Steakhouse and that is how, again and again, I end up in places like Tom & Jerry’s Restaurant. Nicky & I were in Vancouver for the Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie concert at Pacific Coliseum and had planned on dinner at the Hurricane Grill until we realized it was a Canucks game day. Since there was no way we were going to manage dinner at a crowded sports bar and then make it across town to an early show at the Coliseum we decided to look for something closer to the venue. Our choices were limited and after excluding a handful of contenders for reasons like “It’s probably a mob front” and “the entryway looks like the yawning maw of some awful beast” we ended up at Tom & Jerry’s.
|Not pictured: the salt shaker's|
imposing prison tattoos.
|The glass has no comment.|
We’ll start with the nachos, which, in their defense, were topped with freshly cut bell peppers and pickled jalapenos that had some bite. Everything else was simply awful. The cheese had congealed, the chips were slightly soft and I’m almost certain that the entire package had been cooked in the microwave. I’ll admit that the “Cajun” prawns were a bad idea from the start; ordering sea food in a place that looks like a worn-out Denny’s is as self destructive as snorting vodka but we tried it anyways.
|The Burrard Inn, another one|
of my bad habits.
The meal’s sole bright spot was our waitress who provided a level of service that, under the circumstances, can only be described as miraculous. If I were forced, like her, to spend an evening catering to a diner full of baying cretins I would fold immediately and flee to the staff bathroom to smoke reefers the size of my forearm in an attempt to render myself insensate.
His stage show may revolve around shock-rock schtick that’s twenty years past its due date and he may dance like an elderly, dignified transvestite but Alice Cooper still knows how to get a crowd on their feet. Most of what I know about the man comes from his radio show and a guest spot on the sitcom Dave in the mid-90s so his standout performance that night was a pleasant surprise - I wish I could say the same for dinner. No one expects a place like Tom & Jerry’s to serve gourmet cuisine; in fact I’d be disappointed if they did, but what came out of the kitchen that night was embarrassing, even for a greasy spoon.
Website for Tom & Jerry's Restaurant